familycycle

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well . . . more embarrassing details about my life are sure to emerge later on, but all you need to know now is this:  i’m a single stay-at-home mother of one lovely daughter, and i moved back home with my parents at seven months pregnant after having spent eight years practicing at a Zen Buddhist monastery as a fully ordained nun.  (that’s right.  do the math.)  before cloistering myself away in the mountains, i worked in the fashion industry.  i have lived in New York, Los Angeles and Berlin.

i am bipolar, which i’ve known for a long time, but i recently discovered that i also have ADD, which explains SO MUCH.  i went through a terrible time trying this and that in order to figure out the ideal drug regimen to maintain my mental wellness, and finally (albeit not without some resistance) discovered a combination of medications that worked perfectly for me.  with support from my doctors and my therapist, i discontinued all my meds when i got pregnant, and although i was nervous at first, have been lucky to sustain a reasonable degree of stability ever since.  now that i’ve stopped breastfeeding, i’m interested in resuming my drug therapies, which is easier said than done since i’m unemployed and uninsured.  all that said, i really hate Big Pharma and the US “healthcare” system and am a huge proponent of natural medicine (read into that what you will).  but i’m also no fool and have learned by now not to be reckless with my mental health.  if that means having to compromise my crunchy herbalist ideology and swallow some pills, then by all means pill me up.

i also struggle with eating disorders; primarily bulimia, although both compulsive overeating and anorexia are part of the package as well.  i’m not actively sick, and have fortunately kept my eating disorders at bay for many years now, but much in the same way someone who’s been sober for 20 years will still call themselves as an alcoholic, for me the mentality is always there lurking.  the fact that i gained back nearly all my pregnancy weight once i stopped breastfeeding really made for an unhappy mama, but a few months ago i started a very healthy (“aggressive” has a bad connotation, so let’s just say intensely strict) diet, and have lost 21 lbs to date.  woo-hoo!

i am multiracial.  living in a diverse community and teaching my daughter to appreciate multiculturalism are extremely important to me.

Babycycle’s father is Canadian.  we are friends, tho’ not quite a couple (co-parenting is hard when each parent lives in a different country). in summation: It’s Complicated.

i never intended to have a child, especially after not having been employed (in the corporate sense) for over a decade.  i had no substantial income or any savings.  i weighed my options carefully, and meandered back and forth across both sides.  i am very grateful to have had a choice, and extremely grateful for my choice.  if not for the support of my wonderful family, i would not be where i am today, and Babycycle simply would not be.  at the launch of this blog, she’s nearing her first birthday, and it’s been such an amazing and joy-filled ride.  i’ve been fortunate enough to enjoy our first year together with few responsibilities besides learning how to be a mother to this fantastic little being.  eventually i will need to return to work, which i anticipate with great anxiety and dread.  maybe if this blogging thing works out, i’ll be able to stretch out my indefinite maternity leave and put off returning to the fashion industry juuust a bit longer.  because as a nun who’s spent the last eight years of her life with no hair, no makeup, and  dressed in shabby, baggy work clothes (when not wearing three layers of robes and accoutrements), having to pretty myself up feels fucking WEIRD.

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